She set down and stretched her legs. A woman with a dog caught her attention immediately. The woman was silently crying, not making a sound nor showing any expression of the pain in her face but the tears kept flowing down like the water in a wild and furious river. The dog sat close to her legs resting his head on her feet like he could feel her agony and he attempted to offer her comfort.
The train started moving and she grabbed her bag and pulled out her travel mug and her journal. That journal she had got as a present to her birthday many years ago. Thinking of birthdays still made her sentimental as she’d forever miss out on the ones with him. For a while the journal had just been sitting quietly in her night stand waiting to be written in. At times she wanted to use it as a meditation journal instead but she had dismissed the idea repeatedly.
Now she finally understood its purpose. “It was always meant to listen to my most defining stories”, she thought while firming her grip around the pen and looking out of the window.
The landscape started moving (or was it the train, who could really tell?) she was reminded of times when she was much younger. How she used to bottle up her emotions, never sharing or showing her pain to the world. In the most excruciating moments of her life her eyes too resembled a river you’d only see in extreme weather but she always managed to keep her overall composure.
She got up and walked over to the woman with the dog a few seats further. The dog didn’t move and kept comforting his owner when she said “ I see you. I feel your pain.” The woman turned her head with an empty look in her eyes and remained silent. She looked into the stranger’s eyes and felt an emptiness. It reminded her of a deep dark lake on a misty day, a picture she knew from these horror movies set in the intriguing scenery somewhere up North, perhaps in Scandinavia. Mystic, unknown and likely dangerous due to its sheer unpredictability.
She sat down back on her seat trying to make sense of this experience. Her mind could not grasp the meaning but her soul felt strangely touched. For the remainder of the journey she stared at blank pages of her journal while squeezing her pen so hard that her fingers hurt. Before getting off the train she looked over to the seat of the woman and her dog but the seat was empty. No sign of them, as if they had vanished into thin air.
“ I think I might have just met myself”, she thought. “An alternate version of myself maybe? The one I could have become had I not reflected and taken the painful lessons life had offered me this far?”
She followed the main road before entering the small path in the woods leading to a nearby campsite. The campsite was serving as a starting point for the hikes she had planned in the surrounding areas. Before setting up her tent she took a look around and up into the sky. It had been a clear day and she could see an intense blue above her with just a few very small clouds that reminded her of white chocolate sprinkles. “What a strange and random thought to have”, she thought with a puzzled look on her face.
She took a very deep and intense inhale as if she was trying to ingest all the simple beauty surrounding her. Then she sighed it all out, kneeling down on the soft soil of the forest touching the ground, showing her fundamental respect and gratitude for this silently beautiful moment, this raw and real experience. An experience she had been longing for.
The sun was almost down when she finally got up and set up her tent for the night. During that night she dreamed about a bear crossing her path, staring at her and demanding her to take off all her clothes and be vulnerable.
She also dreamed about a big wild dog attempting to enter the tent continuously while snarling aggressively. At some points during that night it was impossible to distinguish dream from reality. The dog entered the tent, stepped on her chest and stared into her eyes leaving her paralyzed by anxiety.
Finally the darkness showed mercy and made room for a new day to start and she stepped out of the tent relieved to see it was dawning. “What happened?” she wondered while walking to the shared bathroom facilities in a hurry. “Could any of this possibly have been real? Did I simply have bad dreams that felt so real that my mind and soul can’t tell the difference? Or was there more to this?”
She tried to brush off the disturbing thoughts and shake off the intense feelings the night had left behind and got ready for her hiking adventure.
Along the way she felt peaceful and relaxed for some time but she also had to face some of her worst fears in what was to be considered real life. The kind of fears that in her case were manifesting and taking shape in outrageous anxiety of walking steep, narrow paths that seemed unprotected along with open views straight down the cliffs, crossing unstable or moving bridges or coming face to face with unfamiliar seemingly unpredictable wild animals.
At times she screamed out of crippling fear or she broke down and cried out of undeniable desperation. But she was alone on this path. When there were no more tears left and she felt her hands clinging on to some random round shaped stones in the ground she understood that confronting her biggest fears was the only way to survive.
Still holding on to the rocks she got up and started walking again, pushing one foot in front of the other, firmly pressing her feet into the ground as if she wanted to leave a visible mark of her journey, her bravery, her accomplishment.
After hours of sweat and exhaustion her efforts were rewarded by a stunning and breathtaking view she could have never imagined in her wildest dreams.
“It’s funny, almost bizarre how much I can see now that I actually dare to look!”, she shouted out loud. “I dare to look down and into the far, realizing all the tremendous beauty around. It’s out of this world really!” she thought while sitting on a rock on the top of the mountain overlooking a stunningly beautiful valley. “This green is greener than I have ever seen or I thought was possible. Is this how it feels to overcome your innermost fears and live freely?”, she thought.
Overwhelmed and humbled by the view and this very moment she cried but this time out of genuine happiness . Then she dried her tears, accepting the obvious and mesmerizing beauty, silently wishing her experience could reach the ones who could truly connect with it
Loved it! Especially the mystic, slightly creepy vibe that leaves you wondering …